A Shinigami's Day at High School
by cuddlykids
Summary: CRACK! Yamamoto decides to send a group to Karakura High School. How will Ichigo react? What will happen? Various pairings. Warning - there may be spoilers.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Renji hurried into the line, which was pretty long by then. It wasn't his fault that his friends took an age to persuade. He was joined by all his fellow colleagues – Rukia, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Izuru and Hisagi, whom he had invited to join - half of them weren't very happy with all this. Only Rukia really wanted to go and he knew exactly what the reason was.

"Renji! Why the hell did you get me to line up here?" Rukia demanded, as she cut into the line.

"Idiot! Weren't you listening? Captain Yamamoto is picking out shinigamis to go to the real world. You want to go, don't you?" Renji said.

"But why the hell is he assigning shinigamis to the real world?" Rukia asked.

"Because he wants reports on what 'high school' is like." Renji answered in a know-it-all tone.

"What?"

"NEXT!"

Renji moved up the line and after a very long time, they reached Captain Yamamoto and his vice captain.

"Why do you want to go?" Yamamoto asked Rukia.

"Because I want to see Ichigo!" she answered.

"Ah, it's called 'love', eh?" Yamamoto said. "Okay, you're going."

"Who said she's going?" Byakuya shunpoed out of nowhere and glared at Yamamoto. "She is not going to see that Kurosaki."

"Ah, it's called 'love between siblings', eh?" Yamamoto said. "Okay, you're going too."

"What?" Byakuya asked loudly.

"Why do you want to go?" Yamamoto asked Renji.

"Because then no one will be able to keep an eye on Rukia – and protect her from orange-haired substitute shinigamis." Renji replied.

"Ah, it's called 'the unforbidden love', eh?" Yamamoto said. "Okay, you're going as well."

"Awh yeah, rock on!" Renji shouted, doing the Wiggles weird hand/gun move thing.

"Why do you want to go?" Yamamoto asked Yumichika.

"Because they sell better makeup in the real world," Yumichika said.

"You're going!" Yamamoto said. "Just remember to buy me some."

"Sure thing." Yumichika said.

"Okay then, how about you Ikkaku?" Yamamoto asked.

"I'm so going because Yumichika's going and without him here, it's boring." Ikkaku said.

"Hmm, are you sure it's not 'love'?" Yamamoto asked, eyebrows raising.

"Do I look like I'm gay?" Ikkaku demanded.

"No, but you do look bald." Yumichika pointed out.

"Okay, count me out!" Ikkaku shouted.

"Nope, you're going." Yamamoto said. "I want to see what the principal thinks of her new bald student. Now who's next?"

"Me! Me!" Matsumoto shouted. "I wanna go because they have lots of cool clothing and it's sooo cheap!"

"You're going and buy me some cool clothing." Yamamoto said. "I think I need a change from this kimono thing."

"Also, Captain Hitsugaya's coming also!" Matsumoto continued. "Because he's a little kid and little kids go to school."

"Argh! _Matsumoto_!" Hitsugaya shouted.

"Okay! You're going! Now that's the list filled! Better like next time folks!" Yamamoto shouted and started doing a goodbye wave.

"Awh! I wanna go!" Izuru complained.

"Yeah, what about us?" Hisagi asked.

"Well, bad luck." Yamamoto said. "You'll be leaving tomorrow. Get packed already."


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Ichigo ran to school. He was late, very late. In fact, second period had already finished – maybe even third. He dashes inside the building and to his classroom, only to crash into a bunch of giggling girls and Asano Keigo.

"Hey Keigo," Ichigo said, surprised that his friend didn't jump at him when he came in. "What up?"

"What do you mean what's up? That pesky little transfer student has stolen all the girls! Just look at him!" Keigo complained. "It's sooo not fair!"

"Huh? Who?" Ichigo said, standing on the table for a better look. Sure enough, in the corner there was some new kid and all the girls were waving at him. The kid turned his way and Ichigo's jaw dropped, really far down. It was Kuchiki Byakuya. Ichigo got back down from the table and back to Keigo's conversation.

"Look! Even that _bald _kid has a girl following him! I can't take it!" Keigo yelled. The _bald _kid looked over, as well as his _girl _friend. It was Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasekawa Yumichika.

"What did he call me?" Ikkaku said, shooting steam from his ears.

"Well he called _me _a girl," Yumichika said, astonished. "I am _not _a girl!"

Ikakku rushed over and began beating Keigo up with his wooden sword, Yumichika cheering in the background. Ichigo now looks closely around at the _transfer students_. Matsumoto found herself surrounded by guys – not surprising – and Rukia was talking to Byakuya, receiving deadly looks. Renji was having an argument with someone about his tattoos and Hitsugaya was just sitting on a chair.

"Hey Toushirou!" Ichigo said, walking over.

"It's Captain Hitsugaya," Hitsugaya said immediately.

"Anyway, what are you all doing here?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, Captain Yamamoto wants reports about what high school is like and he picked us," Hitsugaya explained. "So far, my report has been going pretty well over my head, considering I'm the only one keeping a low profile."

Okay, there were a number of reasons why _some _people couldn't keep low profiles.

Byakuya's got all the girls totally obsessed, even if he doesn't notice it and is innocently doing paperwork

Ikkaku was _bald _and carried a wooden sword and was beating everyone up

Yumichika looks like he's gay _and_ he's a crossdresser _and_ he had funny feathers on his face

Matsumoto has all the guys crazy and she is doing a lot attract attention, surprisingly… not

Rukia's being herself but then again, she's also talking to Byakuya – that makes all the girls green with envy

Renji has tattoos, funny eyebrows and gets so easily offended, which makes it easy for him to get into arguments

Lucky last, yes _even_ Hitsugaya is very noticeable. Mainly because he's a white-haired kid but at least he's too short for anyone to see – probably why he's the most successful

"Why don't you all get out of my school now!?" Ichigo yelled, making him look crazy.

"Uh, _because_," Hitsugaya said, in a that's-so-goddamn-obvious voice.

"Because what?" Ichigo shouted.

"We were _ordered_ to come _here_ by Captain Yamamoto. We can't bloody leave yet."

Meanwhile…

_Dearest Orihime-chan,_

_It's been tiring to look at you afar and see you hopelessly falling for that Kurosaki. I love you more than anyone else in the whole world and wish for your happiness. Although we see each other regularly, we've never really had a proper conversation. Will you please, go out with me today after school? Can you meet me at Kurosaki's house?_

_Love from,_

_Your secret admirer._

"That should do it!" Kon said, throwing the pen away. "Now onto school to Orihime-chan!"

Schools was messy and overcrowded and full of students but somehow or other, he managed to put the letter into Inoue's shoe locker and run away triumphantly. Hehehe, his plan was all coming together.

"Wow! Orihime, it's a love letter!" Tatsuki shouted, whipping it out. "Read it!" Inoue took it from Tatsuki and read it. She grew pink.

"Oh, I never knew he had such intense feelings for me!" Inoue said. "And I think I like him too!"

"Who's is from?" Tatsuki asked and read it. Her eyes widened. "Isn't that?"

"It is!" Inoue said.

"Ishida-kun!" both said together.

"Hmm, did someone call me?" Ishida thought as he walked away from his shoe locker.

"ISHIDA-KUN!" Inoue shouted, running over to him.

"Inoue-san? What's up?" Ishida asked. He looked so surprised when Inoue leaned over and kissed him. "INOUE-SAN!"

"Why didn't you ever tell me you loved me?" Inoue demanded.

"Oh… uh…" Ishida mumbled, going red.

"OMG! You two are in love!" Matsumoto shouted, hurrying over. "Come back to the apartment with me! I'll give you some love tips!"

"Okay, let's go, Ishida-kun!" Inoue said happily.

"Oh… uh… okay." Ishida mumbled and all three of them disappeared.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Keigo was thrown to the floor, completely worn out. For some strange reason, this bald transfer student suddenly attacked him because he had called him bald. Then the pretty boy one started lecturing him about looks and everything boring, and since he wasn't listening properly, he kept getting bashed up and thrown to the floor. He fainted.

"KEIGO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Keigo's older sister came jumping through the window. She looked around. "WHO DID THIS TO HIM?"

"Me, of course!" Ikkaku shouted. Keigo's older sister took one look at him and almost died from a heart attack.

"Hello, I'm Keigo's older sister and…" she started babbling and dragged him out to go to her house.

"Have fun, Ikkaku." Yumichika said and then ran into a horrible rival – Mizurio!

"What is going on here?" their sensei comes in, hearing a high level of noise in her classroom. The boys look glad that she came.

"It's _that _newbie, he's been attracting too much attention to himself!" they shouted, pointing at Byakuya – who happened to not realise that the boys were throwing him killer looks.

"Who?" Sensei looks around and sees Byakuya. She gapes at him, lovestruck and then moves lightning fast over, knocking Rukia away.

"Hello, I am honoured to meet you." She says.

Of course, Byakuya is in no happy state, considering that this mad woman suddenly pushes his sister out of the way. He gives all the girls his most dangerous look and is satisfied when they all start crying, instead of their annoying giggling.

"OMG! He looks so cute when he's angry!"

"I am sooo jealous of that Kuchiki, snatching him up."

"He is absolutely gorgeous!"

Okay, not a good way to try clear the crowd.

"What do you mean, you're prettier? There's nothing more beautiful in the world than me!" Yumichika said heatedly.

"I have more than fifteen girlfriends, whereas I don't see you having any." Mizurio said smugly.

"That's because they have all been snatched up by _him_!" Yumichika shouted, pointing at Byakuya. Unfortunately, Byakuya could see that the comment was about him and came over.

"What is wrong, Ayasekawa?" he asked, completely ignoring Mizurio, who had gone white.

"Ha! So now you think I'm most beautiful, don't you?" Yumichika said triumphantly.

Mizurio started crying. "No, I think _he's _more beautiful. No, he's perfect!" he broke into huge sobs. "I am in your fan club now, transfer student!" he said definitely to Byakuya, who looked more confused than ever.

"Go get a life!" Yumichika said and knocked Mizurio out.

"Renji, Rukia, come over here." Byakuya said and immediately, they raced over.

"Hey! I haven't finished talking to you, tattoo-kun!" one weird kid shouted.

"You're just sad!" Renji shouted back and knocked the kid out.

Now Byakuya, Renji, Rukia, Yumichika, and Ichigo crowded around Hitsugaya, who was going to talk to Ichigo about their mission. Unsurprisingly, he couldn't think of anything smart to say that didn't already seem obvious.

"We're only staying today," Hitsugaya said in his know-it-all voice.

"WHAT! THAT MEANS RUKIA'S ONLY STAYING FOR ONE DAY! NOOOO! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" Ichigo yelled and began hugging Rukia. Renji cut in.

"HEY, NOT MY GIRL, YOU BASTARD!" he roared.

"YOU WANNA FIGHT EH, BUDDY?" Ichigo demanded.

"TRY ME!" Renji shouted back. Just then Byakuya somehow shunpoed between them and, because he was too close, both sprang away.

"Listen Kurosaki Ichigo, Abarai Renji. Neither of you have the right of becoming my brother-in-law so neither of you will be allowed to date Rukia." He said.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So Ichigo, you've fallen in love! That is hilarious!"

All the shinigami turned and froze. There was a massive hole in the atmosphere and out popped quite a few espada. Grimmjow raced straight to Ichigo and they started fighting. Too bad Renji and Ichigo also wanted to fight each other, so it was a three-way-fight – not a very successful one at that.

"I'll be your opponent today, pretty boy!" Barragan shouted to Yumichika.

"Where's Stark?" Yumichika shouted back.

"He's sleeping!" Barragan shouted. "Now why are we shouting? Let's just start fighting!"

Hitsugaya looked around and he saw the weakest-looking espada aka Yammy. That guy really needed to go on the Biggest Loser – he was seriously _fat_! They race towards each other and crash accidently. And because Yammy was so bloody big, Hitsugaya fell headfirst into the concrete.

"Toushirou?" Hitsugaya got up and saw Karin – Ichigo's sister.

"Karin, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Oh, you're hurt and you're dying! I don't want you to die! I really_ love _you!" Karin sobbed.

"Hey, I'm just bleeding just a little! I'm fine!" Hitsugaya assured her… then he fainted.

"Or not." Karin added.

"OMG! You two are so sweet! How about this? I'll take you two back to Soul Society's Fourth Division to mend him up?" Yammy asked.

"Yes, let's go!"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Four

Grimmjow was so bored. Ichigo wasn't even paying attention to him – he had a red-haired friend to deal with. They had begun fighting again and were ignoring him. He _hated _being ignored. Maybe he should just go pick on another shinigami who he didn't like. Grimmjow looked around – everyone was taken. And _then _he saw a rather dopey-looking shinigami in a funny hat with a cat.

"Okay, I'm fighting you, dork!" Grimmjow roared, sonidoing over. He draws his zanpukto but Urahara just stares at him.

"Yoruichi, you defeat him!" he shouted.

"Rodger!" the cat answered and reverted to human form, except there was something not quite right with the picture – she wasn't wearing anything.

"OMG!" Grimmjow cried.

"Opportunity!" Tessai yells and binds the espada with kidou.

"WTF! I can't move! _I can't move_!" Grimmjow screeched.

"I noticed! You're too noisy. Tessai, can you please finish him for me?" Urahara asked yawning.

"Certainly." And with one blow, Grimmjow's down. Urahara, Tessai and Yoruichi – now officially back in cat form – walk away.

Ulquiorra observed the scene. All the strong-looking shinigamis were taken – only that skinny weak piece of trash known as Kuchiki Rukia happened to be available. Oh well, eliminating trash is better than doing nothing for another day. He sonidos down.

Rukia noticed him coming and screamed. Real loudly.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Byakuya somehow appeared in front of Rukia, making Ulquiorra stop in his tracks.

Ulquiorra stared at the man in front of him and founds no words to see. The man was calm_, _intelligent_, _strong– one word, _beautiful_. He knew that he could never fight someone like Byakuya – especially because it was love at first sight.

"I'm not going to fight you because I love you." Ulquiorra said and retreated back up into his former place in the sky, spying on Byakuya from up there.

"Huh?" Byakuya said, obviously confused.

"He _loves _you, nii-sama." Rukia observed in a teasing voice.

"I don't know him," Byakuya said in disgust, turning away. Well it _was_ the truth – he _didn't _know that espada and certainly didn't want to now.

Just then, Renji – who observed the scene from far away – began laughing hysterically, giving Ichigo the chance to hit him and run back towards Rukia. Unluckily for him, Byakuya barred his way.

"Come on Byakuya, you have to let Rukia choose her own love life." Ichigo said reasonably.

"It's because of that tone and choice of words which makes me feel you are ineligible for the position. Even Renji would be a more suitable candidate." Byakuya said – not adding that he only really hated Ichigo because he used his first name.

"You hear that Ichigo?" Renji shouted.

"Shut up! If you don't move, I'll fight you as well!" Ichigo roared, drawing Zangetsu again. Seeing them absorbed in the fight, Renji runs over to Rukia.

"Hey Rukia, what to go out with me?" he asked.

"Eww, no way!" Rukia shouted.

"Ha! See? She loves _me _way better than _you_, Renji!" Ichigo yelled, laughing triumphantly.

"That's even _grosser_! I'm in love with someone else!" Rukia confessed. That made all three of them sheathe their swords and walk curiously over to her. _In love with someone else_?

"Who?" Renji demanded. "Who is this man? I'll pound him!"

"That's my line!" Ichigo shouted.

"I'm in love with… nii-sama!" Rukia admitted.

"What! _What_! WHAT!"

Byakuya looks just as confused and lost as the other two – seeing this, Barragan immediately attacks but Byakuya so happened to have raised his hand and knocked him out cold. Yumichika's still laughing over Barragan's dead body. Before Byakuya could speak, Ulquiorra appears.

"_No one _is allowed to love my Byakuya darling but _me_!" he roared.

"_Byakuya darling_?" Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

Ulquiorra begins attacking Rukia but Renji and Ichigo madly defend her. Byakuya's still extremely shocked. Rukia looked nervously at him.

"I'm sorry nii-sama!" she shouted, bowing low. Byakuya approaches her.

"There's no need to be sorry – I feel the same way!" he declared and he shunpoed her off to Urahara Shop, so they could talk in peace. Sadly, Urahara's already home and that makes matters even worse but either way, they had a good time.

"NOOO!" the girls scream. "BYAKUYA! DON'T LEAVE US FOR THAT KUCHIKI!" Renji and Ichigo make to knock out all the girls. Just then, Jinta and Ururu appear with some extra-flashy fake guns with _Kuchiki Byakuya _written on the bullets.

"Hey you! Leave now or I'll shoot all of these bullets and Kuchiki Byakuya will die!" Jinta threatened.

"Hai!" Ulquiorra said, slumped in defeat. He opens that weird portal thing and goes back to Hueco Mundo.

"How stupid," Ururu remarked. "You're coming home with us, Freeloader-san?"

"What the?" Jinta remarked.

Renji, Ichigo and Kon – news reached him about Inoue and Ishida – were passing around the sake bottle and singing rejection songs.

"Ha! You got rejected by someone, Freeloader!" Jinta laughed. "Come on Ururu, let's go home!"


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

Yamamoto looked at all the shinigami he had sent on their _real world high school_ mission. He waited for the late ones to arrive – well only Renji happened to be late because he had gotten drunk and woken up incredibly late. He looked at them expectedly.

"Well, how did it go?" he asked. "One at a time, please."

"Absolutely horrible, I got rejected." Renji said, his voice hollow.

"Ha! You got _rejected_!" Matsumoto said, laughing. "I was having so much fun, giving Orihime and Uryuu _love tips_!"

"I… had a nice time," Hitsugaya said shyly, recalling his time with Karin and Yammy – Yammy left halfway because Ulquiorra had been rejected and was feeling low, so needed a shoulder to cry on.

"I kicked Barragan's very unbeautiful arse," Yumichika said, smiling.

"I found myself a _boyfriend_, the best boyfriend in the whole wide world!" Rukia squealed.

"And I found myself the loveliest girlfriend in the whole Soul Society," Byakuya said in his monotonous voice – trying to suggest that he wasn't actually that thrilled.

"I was forced to wear bunny clothes," Ikkaku said, practically growling.

"Captain Kuchiki, who is this lovely girlfriend?" Yamamoto asked.

"Rukia." Byakuya said, making Renji hide behind his chair.

"_See_? I knew it! Love between siblings overrules all!" Yamamoto said triumphantly.

"It's not fair, Captain Yamamoto!" Ichigo shouted. "Toushirou here was hitting on my sister, yet _I _don't have anyone to hit on!"

"What are you doing here? And what's this about Captain Hitsugaya?" Yamamoto asked, shocked.

"Toushirou and Karin were practically making out!" Ichigo accused, expecting the captain to break up the pair.

"Oh that's wonderful! Even Captain Hitsugaya has found his soul mate!" Yamamoto exclaimed, causing Ichigo to droop. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks a lot for that!" Hitsugaya squeaked.

"So overall, high school taught you about your true love and you exterminated espada in the same day! We should do this more often!" Yamamoto said.

"Hell no!" Ikkaku shouted.

"Oh, I forgot! Captain Yamamoto, I bought you an outfit! Here it is!" Matsumoto brought out a well-wrapped present. "It's a designer label!"

"Yes, and I have anti-wrinkling cream for you, Captain Yamamoto." Yumichika said, giving him a paper bag.

"I love you two!" Yamamoto shouted.

"Too bad you haven't found your love yet, Yamamoto!" Ichigo hissed under his breath, clearly annoyed at him.

And too bad for Ichigo, Yamamoto heard him.

"You know, maybe I should go to this high school too!" Yamamoto said.

"WHAT?"


End file.
